14. Dug myself out from underneath a pile of revision notes

Update and tips on how to deal with exam stress. No triggers that I know of. 

Where have I been? Here and there. Mainly to different places in my mind. Some of which I would have preffered not to visit. Who needs criminal law, anyway?

Oh, right. We do.

I wrote two three-hour exams and I was EXHAUSTED. In Germany, it's not even permitted to write two exams in one day (I think)! No matter the outcome of the exams, I'm glad I have my life back now. I'm a panick-studier. Meaning I don't study for some time, then panic because the exams are coming closer, and panic so much that I can't study, until one or two days before the exams. So, as you can probably tell, I don't usually get high marks. But honestly, in life, it's okay, even important to get all kinds of marks. In order to have school prepare you for life, you need to have periods of success as well as periods of failure. It's important. At least that's what I keep telling myself. At school, I often enjoyed writing exams, even when I was bad at them. I liked that everybody just shut up to think for two hours. Sometimes it's good to shut up and listen. To other people, but also to yourself, to what your brain is telling you. Some people talk so loudly, they don't even know what they're saying. They need attention. But they fail to grasp the concept that, this way, they're not getting any attention from themselves.

Okay, weird sorta philosophical rant over.

Generally, I'm happy. Really happy.

I'm not dealing with depression at the moment. I sometimes have what I think are depressive episodes, which last from a day up to several months. For the past couple of months, I haven't had any that lasted longer than a day :)

I've also started counselling, which seems to be working on some level (I also deal with anxiety) :)

I'm going to spend the next couple of weeks reading in different places in England :D And I want to go to Covent Garden and spend a whole day there! Oh, and I want to write a lot and sing a lot! :)

As you can probably tell from the beginning of this blog post – I'm not exactly the most competent person when it comes to exam stress. But I still want to give you some tips, because even if I fail to use some of them, that doesn't mean you have to!

1. Okay, this is the most hypocritical for me: Study long-term! If you already have a good overview of the topics before the crucial week before the exam comes, it's just about intensifying it – and that's something you can actually do in one week!
2. Pay attention in class and do homework! Also hypocritical for me. Sometimes you're just too busy to do homework in detail. But that just means that when you do have time, you need to catch up with that, too!
3. If you feel like you're failing at school that DOES NOT MEAN YOU'RE A FAILURE. It can have all kinds of reasons. Maybe you're unhappy at school? Maybe a teacher is giving you a hard time? Maybe you're stressed? Maybe you just think in a different way from your teachers? Maybe your strengths lie in areas that don't get tested in your school?
4. You are NOT a number/letter! You are a person. At school, grades are constantly compared. But this is a very bad way to judge people. Your grades do not in any way represent who you are as a person. They DO NOT represent how intelligent you are. They DO NOT represent how kind you are. They DO NOT represent how much you're worth. How could they? It's an infinite number!

I have had all kinds of grades. I was never top of the class (I was too lazy for that and also too bad at maths/science) but I was very good at school in some years, especially in subjects such as German, English or Music. In other years I was almost failing. Do you think I was suddenly less intelligent? No. I was just unhappy. It also took me a long time to figure out that it's not about how good it is what you're writing, but how easy it is for the teacher to mark. If it's exactly what they wanted you to write, plus a little extra with a cherry on top, they're gonna be thrilled with your work. If it's a more individualist approach, they're gonna be confused and annoyed. There may, of course, be teachers who are happy to read something completely new, and who actually understand what you're trying to say, and who are prepared to make a judgment call and abandon the strict marking scheme – but that's not the majority.

Of course you're allowed to feel happy when you get good grades, and upset when you get bad ones. But neither feeling should take over. And it's important to support each other in these things. There's nothing better than having a friend be there for you when you have a bad grade, giving you a hug and telling you it's okay everybody gets bad grades sometimes.

5. Create an environment you feel happy and calm in! People have told me again and again how important it is that I clean my room before I study in order to concentrate better. I'm sure they're right. But that could take several hours. Which I don't have. Plus people don't seem to get that completely clean and tidy rooms completely creep me out! There's something not-human about them. I'm not saying all clean and tidy people are aliens. But are you? I'm curious. So: Either clean your room to a degree you're happy with or study somewhere else. Listen to music if it helps you. Use Nanny for Google Chrome to keep yourself from getting distracted. Use fun, colourful fonts or pens to make sure what you're doing is the most colourful – because the eye automatically moves to what is most colourful. A very awesome person I know actually puts WashiTape around the space she wants to study in on her desk in order to be able to concentrate just on that space. Tea and some treats are fine.

6. I'm not gonna say 'don't panic'. Because that's the least useful thing you can say to a person who is panicking or almost panicking, right next to 'why are you panicking?'. Instead I'm gonna say: Be kind to yourself. Sometimes you're too freaked out to study. So? Does that make you less of a person? Does that make you less smart, less kind, less awesome? Of course not! If you just want to sit in your bed with the duvet over your head, eat some chocolate and have a little cry because it's all too much – do that! It's okay. We've all done it. Better yet, go and talk to someone about it. Someone who understands and doesn't put you under more pressure. Take a step back and see that the most important thing is that you're here. And that so many awesome things are waiting for you. And that at the end of your life your main regret is not gonna be: “Urgh, I wish I'd studied more for that exam!” In fact, you won't even remember it. Love yourself no matter how much time you spend studying, how much time you spend procrastinating, or how good or bad your grades are.